Dumelang my fellow ohanang readers, ke tshepa gore le sa phidile sentle and are now sitting back with a bowl of popcorn anticipated about what I have for yall this month…
Apologies on the delay knowing that you were so anticipated mara nna ka le shapa ka mumish, ish snet taba tsa di network recession wabo
Well June has come to an end and I bet we all have experienced/collected some crazy/fun moments during this cold month. Some of yall might have been used, dumped, betrayed or maybe found love ra celebrater bo june 16, father’s day and school closings/pens down for mapipitlane. Either way it might have been a great month mara nna kesa lla ka flopo nyana e 1, these weak assholes that cannot stand for a fight but are very quick to fold fists when coming to women. As much as I would talk a lot of crap about basadi on my blogs, I cannot stand a man that hits his better half. Whether ke mokoro wagao or nine/regte yao brothers we have no right to lay a hand on them. So one here’s the deal if you know any guy who does this please name and shame him with his picture included so we can expose these bastards on the coming blog.
So gonale these ladies ba jelang batho di juba (bo miss mangf mang) so proud about being nyatsi ya eimand & will even describe the way a mofang yona kateng. She will even tell you how his real girlfriend asa mofeng yona kateng and how she would satisfy him kateng. Kore ga hlabe ke kgala motho wateng, ebile gana flop ge bamo phega nine9, otla mmona ka go jikelwa ko corning kabo 6am… ga fihlisiwi le ko di taxing to show that yena kwa ko mapayeng fela. Ge a bhanisiwa bhana yateng ba e phega okare ba phega mpya ya mtatsetse. Let’s be on an honesty tip, we all know of someone omo so ene eba sono ka yena ko mogroovong when the guy shows up le regte and she will go and pretend asif gae moje taba, mara we can all see gore kukhona ok’shaya amanzi. So she will be like ‘’ne chomi that girl ke bhari, we all know gore the nigga loves me and not her’’. Then the bostro won’t even look at her le ga one, skars le hello nyana. She gon drink till she gets fucked up (mabyala) then starts doing silly things that gon irritate her friends or a tshware plaka net to cause a scene at a club, a late daai nine (regte) and start telling her masepa and that’s when she be getting a warm klap she will never forget. Well what I’m saying is ladies learn to respect yourselves & I’m not saying don’t have a lil fun but please learn to do it with a little dignity also knowing & expecting the consequences or outcomes of your actions cause taba ya gore le tlo te bhanisa ka bomo via di nyatsi and leaving your child fatherless e tlo re lapisa while knowing very well gore to him you are just a side dish and nothing more.
So sad to see that monate wa kasi has lost its meaning and its soul purpose, the nice tunes that the dj will be droping will fall to deaf ears since people go out to flaunt their fongkong gear le pay nyana ya 5tao then kaosane motho gana le zaka ya petrol to go to work. Gone are the days when Mamelodians would come together to the dance floor and chant together……
“ELA ELA ELA ELA!! Thiba nthwe monate, Akere wa mmona! Wammona wetsang? Fao sa jive mmao gao rate! O tshasa vaselina!!! O ngwana mang wena? Baby ya mavuso etang!”
Nou when going out you have to worry about daai mense that be looking at gore onwang, o apereng and o vaya kang. The dance floor became a WIFI hotspot with bo miss mang mang tweeting and BBMing di skempe ka Thandi’s heels tsa ko makuleng and how they be drinking Glenmorangie le kamkho thabo asajeng nex kateng that night since he’d just be drinking di Heineken fela kateng. Kore ba lebala le gore why they went out. Next thing those megwanthies bao fasa ka di dumane tlebe ba jiva bo forspoto next thing o mmone bamo tseya ka masepa then kontle motho utlwa ka di mpama coz o gana go skepiwa after yena le di chomi tsae ba bathile bill ya tao eits. Shout out to the ladies bao te kgona and don’t need no mageza to buy em drinks so that they can have a good night and salutation to my bras bao hlapelwa ka di black label, klipdrift le di hansa then bring live to the building with their crazy dance moves and big shout out to the ladies ba mashayedi that be on the “I don’t give a fuck” tip. I hope this spring we will be having that partying spirit that brought us together kobo Moretele park, Phola park, Jack Budha, Class Extreme, & corner couch. Back when there was no The Village, Moloko and Hatfield Square was considered as ko matataneng, back when Gucci could only be afforded after saving for months and di dumane ne di tshabiwa. Back when you could go out alone and make friends ko pele and di dj ne di balega mo kasi, cause we are slowly becoming di khotane le rena and ga le jumpe nthwe blaine.
As much as lei chabang kateng ladies, statistics has proven gore 8 out of 10 spekes will most likely be victim of it. I’m not talking bout rape ne, no don’t get it twisted di 1not is when a brother whispers those sweet nothings and lwena wa wela so wa skepiwa then abasao fonela kaosane. This is also likely to happen to men too so fellas don’t think these women aren’t as conniving as we are. Some women then tend to think that if you apply the 90 days to the cookie jar rule then you are safe from such acts, well di 1not can still occur even if o ntraisa for di kgwedi, nothing will stop me from go chabela after getting what I wanted in the 1st place.
Well I’ve compiled a few ways to avoid such and you can thank me later after trying em with that potential, harde bras but it’s best if we give the ladies a lil heads up.
Compile a serious investigation on that potential bostro. If you aren’t certain about his intentions ka wena, find out gore o jola le mang, o skima bo mang and o phela byang. If he is single find out the reasons that led to his breakup and if o skiema di player, dig a lil on his past relationships (the type of girls he dated). If his got a girl then its most likely gore you just gon be a side dish or he might be in a process of leaving her for you. NB: if he does leave her for you then chances are that he might leave you for someone else too so be careful when coming to such.
Test the waters: Go to his place, but don’t give the cookie up. Insist on watching a movie nyana so, and then in the middle of the movie get a lil kinky. Kiss him till his gun stands to salute, then stop and tell him you aint really ready, that was a mistake. If wa kwata insist on giving him a bj or hand job coz he just might be dying from letswai, Blow job most preferable… theres no harm in sucking some dick (if you against bj’s then hambofa!). If he refuses the offer and just demands punani fela then you already know his intentions, so walk away.
Send him dirty texts to see his reaction on em, if he plays along then test the waters by saying I want you so bad right now but can’t give it up because (you excuse/reason). If wa kwata then you have your answer.
Ask him to go out to a very public place where you most likely to bump into a lot of people that knows him e.g.: park, shisa nyama, restaurant or pub. If he tells you ka mochayo insist on taking care of the fees or bill, If you get an excuse then you have your answered, but be careful for some bostros are slick and know how to play their cards very well. You might be introduced as a close friend, colleague or maybe a study mate.
When you have tested the waters well enough, had alota oral sex and foreplays with no penetrations involved and you are now really assured that it’s safe to give it up….
Monyobe!! Ya….Moje strong gore he won’t even forget a second of that intimacy. The only way to a mens heart these days is good sex. Hence the phrase “omo shapile ka penty”. If a brother is pussy whipped then it’s obvious that he will find it hard to run from you. Mara just because you got him in the palm of your hands don’t mean you have to relax. Always keep in mind that gonale bale bao shapa skero so keep the sex on a good peak and his yours for keeps. Fellas this tip applies to you too
If you do this all well then you will not have to worry about di 1not but if it happens that wao chabela then you should consider seeing a sangoma or moporofeta (onale senyama jo).
As much as we love to be made to feel special, there is none more irritating than that possessive lover who’s always breathing on your neck like lephodisa lao hloka uniform. Matters would reach a point where you have to send in a request before oya le spaza, then suddenly all your friends are not good for you (according to yena) but you’ve known em longer than him/her. Then suddenly it gets to a point where you aint supposed to go out on weekends nomo but yena ga fele menateng, ladies would get a dik donner to stay in, then fellas ba shapiwa ka emotional blackmail. Go maizisiwe nyana then bao shape ka lets swap phones for the day. Every girls/guys number who isn’t related to you gets deleted. Which reminds me of banyan aba kasi bao rata go te for a. ladies when fighting for a guy please stop using the term “monna waka” bona mo, wa te fora. Chances are that o nyatsi fela so save yourself the embarrassments till you have tied that knot.
“Just in case Ovias”
Bo sostro ashiba batla ka merwalo ko megroovong okare they going home (Limpopo), o kereya motho a tshwere di extra penty, combs, vaslapi le di lotion. Nakweo motho gana juba but it looks as if she and her man have arranged that straight after da goiwa moskepong, so we clearly know that yena o twayetse gore yena every time she goes out o vaya le di stranger at the end of the night. Ebile we don’t have to name em coz la ba itsi mos mara otherwise ke botshelo jo, re tla direng
Well I hope we’ve learnt a lil from this month’s issue so from me and the ohanang family (you) kere enjoy your July. Don’t forget to follow me @djkgaoza and share your comments and views on this article stay safe, re tla thulana ka August
KONTROLO NGWANA MMA!!